Annotated NAPLAN Narrative Writing Exemplars: Developing vs Strong vs Exceeding
Writing is the hardest NAPLAN domain to evaluate at home. Here are three student narrative responses to the same prompt, with line-by-line teacher annotations showing what separates a Developing story from an Exceeding one.
The Classroom Marking Dilemma
Every March, parents ask the same question: "How do I know if my child writing is actually good enough for NAPLAN?"
Unlike a maths equation where the answer is either right or wrong, creative writing feels subjective. You read your child story about a magical treehouse and think it is wonderful. Then the school report arrives, placing them in the Developing band.
To pull back the curtain, let us examine three real student responses to an authentic narrative prompt: "The Whispering Box". We will look at why each response earned its placement under the official ACARA criteria.
Sample Response 1: The Developing Story
"One day Jack found a golden box in his grandma attic. It was whispering softly. He opened the lid and a big green monster with sharp teeth jumped out. The monster roared loudly. Then Jack picked up a broom and hit the monster. Then they ran downstairs to the kitchen. His grandma made them pancakes and the monster became friendly. They ate breakfast happily. The end."
Marker Breakdown: Why this stays in Developing
Jack story has energy, but it falls into the three classic traps that keep primary students in the lower proficiency bands:
- Text Structure (Score: 2/4): The complication is resolved in a single rushed sentence with no suspense. The monster transforms from terrifying to friendly over pancakes with zero explanation.
- Sentence Variety (Score: 2/6): Nearly every sentence follows the rigid pattern: Subject, Verb, Object. Notice the repetitive "Then Jack... Then they ran..." structure.
- Character and Setting (Score: 1/4): We learn nothing about grandma attic beyond the noun itself. What did it smell like? How did the floorboards sound? Jack has no personality; he is merely an avatar moving through events.
Sample Response 2: The Strong Story
"Dust motes danced in the pale sunlight slanting through the attic skylight. Jack knelt beside a brass-bound cedar chest, brushing away thick cobwebs. Beneath an old patchwork quilt, something hummed. It was not the mechanical drone of an old clock, but a rhythmic, rhythmic murmur, like someone reciting a secret through a locked keyhole.
Jack heart thudded against his ribs. Reaching out with trembling fingers, he flicked the latch. A cool gust of lavender-scented air burst upward, extinguishing the torchlight. In the darkness, the whispers stopped. Then, from the bottom of the velvet-lined interior, two amber eyes blinked open."
Marker Breakdown: Why this achieves Strong
This draft satisfies the national benchmark for a Year 5 student:
- Audience Engagement (Score: 4/6): The opening sentence uses sensory imagery ("dust motes danced in the pale sunlight") that immediately transports the reader.
- Vocabulary (Score: 4/5): Precise words like patchwork, rhythmic murmur, cedar, latch show command without appearing forced from a thesaurus.
- Sentence Structure (Score: 4/6): Complex sentences with fronted adverbial phrases ("Beneath an old patchwork quilt...", "Reaching out with trembling fingers...") create natural narrative rhythm.
Sample Response 3: The Exceeding Story
"Grandmother warned me never to disturb the cedar trunk beneath the rafters. 'Some memories,' she used to say, stirring her tea with absent-minded precision, 'are best left asleep.' Yet on a drizzly Tuesday afternoon, with the house hollow and quiet, curiosity eclipsed caution.
The trunk was neither magnificent nor sinister. It was ordinary, scarred by decades of luggage handlers and neglected winters. What arrested me was the sound: a dry, papery rustle, like moth wings beating frantically against frosted glass. I knelt, the bare floorboards biting into my knees, and placed my ear against the tarnished brass lock. It was whispering my mother name."
Marker Breakdown: Why this reaches Exceeding
What sets an Exceeding story apart is not vocabulary complexity; it is subtle psychological control:
- Ideas (Score: 5/5): Instead of introducing a physical cartoon monster, the writer grounds the mystery in family history. The whisper saying the mother name delivers genuine emotional weight.
- Cohesion and Pacing (Score: 4/4): Notice the deliberate contrast: "The trunk was neither magnificent nor sinister. It was ordinary..." This subverts cliché and creates authentic literary tension.
- Punctuation (Score: 5/5): Controlled use of commas, dialogue conventions, and a colon to introduce an explanation demonstrates complete syntactic command.
The Takeaway for Parents
Notice that the difference between the Developing story and the Exceeding story is not the size of the words. It is the patience of the writer.
Encourage your child to slow down during the first ten minutes of writing. Ask them: "What does the room smell like? What is your character afraid of?" When students describe sensory details and allow complications to develop naturally, their marks lift across all ten criteria.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many words should a Year 3 or Year 5 narrative be?
There is no official word count penalty in NAPLAN. Year 3 students generally produce between 150 and 250 words on paper. Year 5 students typing on a keyboard typically aim for 300 to 450 words. Pacing, character development, and narrative cohesion matter far more than raw volume.
Can students write in first person or third person?
Students can write in either first person (I) or third person (he/she/they). What markers penalise is inconsistent pronoun shifting, where a story starts in first person and carelessly switches to third person.